We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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