"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
