hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
