Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
