is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
