Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
