I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
