i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
