He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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