you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
