i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
