I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
