make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You are a genius and a whore.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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