Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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