For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
