Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
