He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
