The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
