I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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