no you cant smoke seaweed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize