I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
