tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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