I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
