I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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