how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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