He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
