i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
