i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
