what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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