The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
