just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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