Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
