I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
