That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i will never coherently bang her
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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