I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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