i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
