you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
