I think I won the penis lottery.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
