I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Little spoons don't ask big questions
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
