Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
