im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
