That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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