420 ftw
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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