Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
