apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
