did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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