id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
