Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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