i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I am naked and annoyed.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
