I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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