In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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